


I'd Still Pick You

by dnpdab (shipping_in_a_sea_of_sobs)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 10 years of phan, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Soulmates, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Fluff, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, Pumpkins, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, im a sucker for fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 13:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21100469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipping_in_a_sea_of_sobs/pseuds/dnpdab
Summary: "In a field full of pumpkins, I'd still pick you."Or the declaration of love of one Phil Lester to one Daniel Howell on the 10 year anniversary of their first meeting.





	I'd Still Pick You

* * *

"What is the bloody point of this?" The whine in Dan's voice was audible all the way in the bathroom, only causing Phil's eyes to roll out of utter and complete fondness. 

"Because." It was a weak argument, but he had already managed to get Dan nudged from the couch, and he figured it was his best case to just keep with it, to get him out the door. 

They had been spending more time just together, not worrying over videos, or saving face. They were both just… comfortable, finally getting the chance to just exist for once, despite how the last handful of years had been for them both. Phil was grateful for it, entirely, and it had given them the opportunity to reconnect, to remember what it was like to be their age, even though it sometimes reminded him just how old he had gotten. Which he was often reminded of any time Dan would call after him, whenever he would beg them to just get to bed a little more before two in the morning. 

"You're so fucking annoying, old man," Dan's laugh brought him back into the moment, rolling his eyes as he looked over the little box in his fingers. Maybe it wasn't the time, maybe it wasn't good, maybe it would just backfire, but… he was a bit hopeful, too. 

It wasn't the first time he had wanted to, that he had been tempted to drop down on one knee. He couldn't even count the amount of phone calls with his mum he had made where he just hadn't been able to muster up the courage, and Kathryn would spend most of the conversation going on about it all. How she was getting older, and how one, or both, of her sons needed to muster up the courage, bless it. Which, he entirely agreed with, and maybe it was the slightest bit of sibling rivalry in him that made him want to beat Martyn to it all. He knew that wasn't the best reason for him to want to propose, but it had been on his mind for years. Beyond years, at that point. 

He couldn't pinpoint when he had felt that need, though he felt at this point, all these years later, that feeling had just become second nature for him. It had been a constant sound in his ear, constant fast paced beat in his chest, anytime it seemed like the perfect moment together for them. That, maybe, /maybe/, it would be the best opportunity. He could count on both hands the amount of times he nearly did it, where it seemed perfect, but at the same time, not perfect enough for his Dan. Not the boy who he had grown along side with over the last ten years, who had seen him through the good and the bad. The same person he had seen grow so much over the time together, who had struggled and tried so hard to find himself, and who finally just was getting to shine like he had always deserved. 

Don't get him wrong, Dan had always been a bit brighter than anyone else he had come around. Even on his darkest days, the days the younger man couldn't handle much, where he wanted and pleaded for a little bit of space, and he would always oblige. On those days, he still shined, still was this bright spot for him, in his life. Almost like the moon phases. Some nights, he shined so bright, it was hard to look up at the night sky. Some nights, there was just the slightest glow, or just wasn't entirely visible. But it was constant. Dan was always his constant, and he was the happiest he had been, always beside the man, at every turn. But lately, lately Dan had been the brightest he had ever been, like a constant full moon, a sky full of stars, and like nothing could bring him back down. He had a few moments, where a cloud covered the bright moon, but he could still see him there. He could always see him there, and he never wanted his moon to go away. He never wanted to see that light gone, because he had always been shit at blindly walking in the dark. He had always had a bright light, someone to keep him on the right path, and for him, that had always been Dan. 

Phil had tried before, twice, for that matter, in the last year. But each time, he had panicked last moment, right as he was fumbling with the ring in his pocket, and his mouth dry, and struggled entirely to find any sort of words, let alone the words to ask the love of his life such an important question. 

The beach had seemed like an ideal place, near his birthday, while they had been up at his parents. They were alone, no one would bother them, on that walk along the beach, it was nearly perfect. It _ had _ been perfect, for that matter, listening to Dan drone on and on about how old he was getting, and how they were both dying, and he didn't understand time. It had been another one of his dramatic little spiel, something cute he did anytime either one of them mentioned how long they had known one another, or lived together, or just, existed in the same space together. It had been the same walk they had made dozens of times, any time they went to visit his family on the Isle, and it had always been peaceful. It had always been something just for the two of them. The ring had been in his pocket, and he had waited for the best moment, fumbling with it as he walked, having awkwardly shoved his hands in his pocket instead of lacing their fingers together like they normally did in private. He felt so ridiculous, entirely, because it was Dan. The same person that he had trusted, for some reason, since the very first words. Since the very first hug, the way their bodies had just slipped in close and wrapped around one another and fit like the missing piece to his puzzle. The feeling that he could finally start to see the final picture, and that picture had involved Dan ever since. 

It had been perfect, he even had a moment where Dan had become distracted trying to get a picture of the ocean, that would have been perfect. But something… something had stopped him. Something, more than likely his nerves, had made him just… stop, made him pull his hand out of his pocket, with the ring still settled in his jacket pocket, and just let it be. He cursed himself the rest of the walk, even when Dan had gone up for a bath and he groaned and complained to his mum. It had been perfect, and it had slipped past him out of nerves. Panic. Worry. That maybe, just maybe, Dan would laugh in his face. 

He knew, of course, that getting married wasn't necessary to prove his love to him. That they didn't have to get married, and have that big hubbub, they could live happily like they were. But, part of him just wanted to have that. Which, hell, he had felt like he was ready to throw up filming the last video of the gaming channel with him, at the sight of the proposal, and how Dan had looked right at him with those big eyes and had looked so giddy about it all. It had been a hard secret to keep, just because they knew practically everything about one another. But it was something he had wanted to do, just to… give Dan just a little bit extra, some little token, even as private as they were, it still would be something special. Something just for them. 

The last time had been, he had been even closer to it, had the start of his words slipping out, when he just panicked in spite of himself. The trip to the desert had been perfect, despite as hot it had been. It had been all they had needed, some time to just be themselves, to just travel and move, and exist together. He had the ring box in his front pocket, had been hyping himself up every moment. Martyn and Cornelia both had given them a bit of space, completely aware and waiting with baited breath, but it just never came. The older girl had stood back and kept her camera, the older two keeping an eye on them, prepared to capture the moment, but he had chickened out last minute. He had even had the box in his hand in his pocket, standing in the middle of the bloody road for the picture, and he just laughed awkwardly, sure the nervousness was obvious in his gaze. He hadn't heard the end of it from his brother, either, that night, and well, he hadn't been able to shake it off. 

It had been a bit of a struggle, trying to decide on when would be the best time. But maybe, just maybe, today was the right day. This would be the best day. He fumbled a bit with the box, thinking it over, before he slipped the ring out, and into the front pocket of his denim jacket, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose, hearing another groan coming from the den. 

"It's about bloody time," Dan groaned quietly at the idea, shaking his head at the sight of him, his eyes narrowing as he looked him over. "You're dressed nicely for some mysterious day trip," he commented, arching a brow when he heard the buzz of the front door, giving him a small look. 

"There's our ride, c'mon," Phil smirked, giving him a gentle nudge, before slipping past him, grabbing the man's coat for him, and giving him a playful little smirk, waiting for Dan to follow begrudgingly. 

* * *

"Thought we both agreed we'd never be those people, ASDA works just fine for pumpkins," Dan's voice whined, only causing Phil to roll his eyes fondly, giving his boy a little nudge. 

"Thought you were all about that organic, one with nature bullshit," Martyn's voice called back in response, only causing Cornelia to shove at his arm, shaking her head. 

"He's just mad he's outside, but we both needed it, and I mean, cute pictures, right?" She reasoned, which, well, maybe that would be enough, only casting a small look to Phil, who had been rather quiet, and nervous, his fingers tapping a bit on his own thigh to try and relax himself as best as he possibly could. "What is it, again? Pumpkins and a maze? Won't be too hard for you giants," she laughed, clearly trying to nudge and make him a bit more at ease with it all, because it was clear Phil was a bit off about something. 

"Mhmm, pumpkins, maze, those weird buckets of dried corn you can sit in, goats," Phil listed, glancing over to Dan, who was watching him a bit, looking him over with an arched brow, able to tell that _ something _ was off, but what it was, he couldn't place. 

"I'm going to just complain the entire time," Dan finally conceded, though a smile was on his lips the moment they pulled into the lot of the farm, glancing back to Phil. It seemed private enough, which he hadn't been too sure of, and they always were careful enough, just in case someone snuck up on them. But, he moved then to grab Phil's hand and brought him in close as they climbed out of the car, looking around with a gentle hum, lacing their fingers together for a moment. 

"Pumpkins first?" Cornelia asked, looking back to them with a gentle smile about it there, playing with Martyn's hand in his own, thinking it over, guiding the way towards the field. It was still early enough, and just in the middle of the week, that there weren't too many milling around, and the ones who were seemed in their own little worlds than focused on anything else. 

Dan kept their hands laced a bit, seeming a bit more pleased now, despite the whining that entire morning about having to get up and dressed and out of the warmth of their bed. Which, given, they had just been spending a lot of time in their bed, just enjoying some peace, or curled up in front of the tank, watching their little son fondly. 

They could be themselves, in the safety of their flat, and well, in the safety of his family. Some of their friends, too, of course, but more times than not, just places like this, it would be private. It would be peaceful, just like now, it felt. 

That's why it felt safe, that's why Phil kept as close as he did, kept a gentle touch on him, making their way into the little field to get a look at the pumpkins, even though before long they would be destroying them. It was _ peaceful, _ nearly like every time he had almost had enough courage to ask, and maybe, just maybe, he could finally push it out. The ring in his pocket just felt like it was getting heavier and heavier, like the jacket was getting a little bit too tight around him, just from the ring inside of his pocket, practically begging to be let out.

"What do you think? Should we try to carve again? Or paint them?" Dan's words pulled his attention, humming with a slight shrug in response. "Less… guts." 

"But we also can't paint worth a shit, or draw, or… anything, if you remember," Phil laughed, nothing but fondness in his tone, another laugh leaving him when he heard the little groan. He wasn't surprised, but at least his little whines and grumbles were too adorable to be too mad at. He knew how to handle him, for the most part, though, they did have their moments. "But, if I remember right, we've still got some paints and all those sequins, could manage it." 

Dan's smile just grew, seeming more than pleased with the way Phil just agreed without too much of an argument, which happened every now and then. That was something he had learned over the years, too. When Phil agreed so quickly, without much fight back, or even some teasing remark, he was up to something he didn't need to be getting into, or some little thing he needed to try and surprise him with. Most of the time it wasn't any sort of surprise, but he figured he could bite his tongue and let him try it. 

Phil chuckled, watching Dan as he pulled away and started on his search for the pumpkin, not able to hide his smile as he followed after him. Each movement and little comment from the younger making it feel like his smile was just growing even further, if that was possible. 

"This one!" Dan finally called out, looking rather satisfied with himself as he patted the side of one, looking up to Phil. "Look, just as ugly and bumpy as me, I love it, and I won't have to cut it up tomorrow like the last one." 

Phil rolled his eyes at the idea, nodding as he moved to tuck down a bit, offering his arms out to carry the pumpkin for him, before nodding ahead of them. "You're better than I am, pick one out for me?" It didn't seem like he needed to ask twice, as Dan quickly pushed himself back up to head down the little rows to find one. "Maybe a little one for Norman while we're at it?" 

"Fuck off!" Dan laughed, shaking his head at the thought of it there as he spoke, though the smile was too wide to seem to be a proper argument against it. 

He just followed fondly, carrying the pumpkin as he just watched Dan look over everything, chattering away and poking fun. It was all he could ask for, just rolling his eyes as he decided on two, looking rather proud of himself. "Here, take Norman," he mumbled, passing over a smaller white pumpkin, giving him a pointed look at the face Phil pulled. "Easier to paint, 've got a vision." 

"Vision," Phil repeated, but nodded, taking the pumpkin and followed him along the path, glancing around them. "We can put these in the car and do the maze?" He spoke after a few more trips, just to make sure Dan truly felt at peace with his decision, before the boy nodded, turning to look back at his choices, guiding their way back to get them both weighed and checked up on. 

"Is a maze going to be of any use for us? I mean, think we're both taller than the stalks," Dan mumbled, looking back to him, only causing Phil to shrug a bit at the idea. "Oh, cheesy pictures, later," he reasoned with him, offering a little smile as their pumpkins got weighed and set aside for them. 

"Don't worry, I'll get lots of pictures," Phil chuckled, a sweet smile on his lips. "Very glad you finally shaved that mustache." 

"Oi. You loved it, you spork." 

Phil gave a rather unimpressed look, shaking his head at the thought. "Just go," he laughed, nudging him a bit to head towards the entrance to the maze, just taking a small breath. Maybe this could work. Maybe everything could work, maybe he could soak in that moment, and finally get the nerve to pop the question, to finally ask him such a big thing. And as cheesy as it was, he hoped that maybe, finally, he could manage to do it. 

It didn't take long into the maze to figure out that there weren't many others there, and something seemed to make Dan a little more at ease. "Better take those obnoxious pictures you like so much," he teased, though there was a smile, reaching back for his own. Which Phil took without a single complaint. 

"You know you enjoy them," Phil mumbled, fidgeting a bit to reach back for his phone so he could take a few pictures, which… were entirely too cheesy. But they didn't have enough cheesy, he felt. 

That was a lie, entirely, they had too many pictures to count, an entire harddrive of pictures just for the two of _ them. _ And these, he just knew he would add them right into, with no damn problem at all. 

"You done? Or, still being annoying?" Dan laughed, only causing Phil to roll his eyes and take a few more, just to be careful. 

"I like being annoying, been annoying you a near decade," Phil smirked, only causing him to let out a little groan, never having been a fan of that word. A decade just… it was crazy, and it just made things that much more clear they really had lasted like this. That after all this time, they still just made sense together, and probably, by the looks of it, they always would too. 

And that was what was so big about this, then. It really had been ten years, just nearly, since they had first met proper. And ever since then, well, he couldn't quite imagine a time without him. Thankfully, though, it felt like he would never have to, either. 

"Don't be getting all sappy, old man, I doubt you even remember it. What are you now? Like, 93?" 

"Ha. Ha. Keep talking like that, I'll get Martyn to leave you here," Phil chuckled, though there was no bite to his words, just clear and complete adoration in his tone. 

Dan snorted, giving him a small look, clearly not believing it for one moment, squeezing his fingers in his own. "Try me, Lester." 

He nearly just slipped then, the quip back ready to just push the idea of them, of that, but quickly bit it back down. "You try me," Lester, that was nearly the word that fell from his lips, but he quickly mumbled a soft "Howell", to try and fill the air. To make it seem like it hadn't been such a space, though it was clear. 

Dan looked him over, and in any other case, Phil knew he was fucked. That the other had called him out for it, and it took everything in him to try and keep an at ease look, when everything inside of him was panicked. Though he tried to keep the look on his face, breathing out a sigh he had been holding in as Dan just rolled his eyes and kept moving through the little maze. 

He could feel his heart thudding in his chest, and as dramatically as it felt, and seemed, it just made it feel more like his heart was going to burst. That the ring would bounce, just as hard as his heart was thudding, because it was all there. It was the chance, and he just felt it. Dan was just right there, they were alone, it was peaceful, just like it had been /every/ damn time he nearly had asked before. And it felt like it was right. It was _ finally _ right. 

He hadn't realized he wasn't moving until he heard the call of Dan's voice, lifting his gaze, and he wasn't there in sight, his fingers slipping into his jacket pocket. 

"What the fuck are you doing? If you're trying to jump out, it's not funny," Dan groaned, turning back around the corner, looking the other up and down with an arched brow. "Phil." 

The silence between them, it was welcome, of course. But there was just an air between them, like they both just knew there was _ something _ he was struggling with. But it easily became a staring contest, Phil's fingers fidgeting in his pocket, able to feel the curve of the ring in his own. Four words. Two if he shortened it out of panic. Which felt what was likely there. 

"Dan?" 

More silence, a bit more staring, and he was sure the panic was evident in his gaze. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

"You, uh, you know that," he started, thought it was all a bit rushed, but at the same time, too slow, like it didn't feel like it was leaving his mouth. 

The silence he was met with made him a little more spooked, stuttering and rather… terrified, his hand still in his pocket. It was making sense in his head, the stuttering and few words leaving him that were even understandable. But from the look on Dan's face, it wasn't any sort of sense. 

"Oi, there you are." He wasn't sure if that was the voice he wanted to hear, but it nearly felt like a safety net from his panic. It wasn't helpful, considering, but, it also just took Dan's attention quickly away to his brother, slipping his hand from his pocket. It wasn't meant to be, again, and he figured maybe, hopefully, soon, he could work that up. "C'mon. Storm is coming," he gestured, though, the clouds having gathered above, like it would rain any moment, and maybe that was for the best too. 

"C'mon, old man," Dan mumbled, giving a gentle nudge at the idea, though, it wasn't anything annoyed like Phil had been expecting. He was patient, which, was something Phil had always loved about him. Something that he would always be grateful for, how good he could be for him, entirely. That even after all these years, somehow, Dan wasn't tired of him, of when he got a bit too anxious to even _ speak _properly. Like a dumb ass. But Dan, Dan made him feel okay about it all. 

Phil sighed, just nodding as he held onto his hand back through the maze, thinking it over. Maybe he could never get it out, by the looks of it, and that was what made it so stressful. It was really only a few words, though it was at the same time, supposed to add up to the last decade of their lives. And that was what made him in such a tizzy. 

"Fuck up again?" Martyn's voice brought him into a focus as they grabbed the pumpkins, Cornelia and Dan getting a few more pictures. 

"Shut it," Phil grumbled, fidgeting the pumpkins in his arms as they made their way over to the car, shaking his head. "You won't even ask her, so," he tried, glancing back over to him. "Should not be judging me." 

"Mum's not going to let you hear the end of it," Martyn reminded with a teasing sound, because it was true. Their mum had been on them both, especially recently, on the entire fact. Marriage, families, she was all about it recently, and it could be a bit more added stress to it all. 

"I'll still going to get married before you," Phil chuckled, getting the pumpkins set by their seats, turning his attention back to Dan. He seemed happy, laughing at something Cornelia had said. It was a lovely sight, it always was, and it made it feel a little more like family. Which, Dan had always been apart of the family, but this, it always reiterated that fact for him. "One of these days." 

"Yeah, one of these days," Martyn agreed, smiling at the sight, just watching the two make their way over, giving Cornelia a little squeeze once she was near. "You two get your content?" 

"All ready," Cornelia nodded, smiling over to Phil with a knowing look, but just left it at that, moving to look over everything. "We'll come back over in the morning, have to go get some stuff for ours. And I'm sure you two and your son will enjoy to start on yours without us." 

Start on something else, maybe. Maybe the chance that… he wouldn't be completely hopeless on his own. That maybe the privacy of their home, just the two of them. Maybe he could speak some proper words rather. "Won't do anything too wild without you two there." 

"Maybe a little wild." And maybe Dan was right. Just maybe. 

* * *

The wildness of their lives hadn't been as crazy as it once had. With the small break, the time off from it all, just rediscovering themselves, it had been crazy. But to the point that the two of them, for once, just could spend time enjoying. Which, they did. 

Phil had just watched content, quickly having slipped the ring back into the little box and packed back away once they got home. They had spent the night just enjoying each other, Dan entirely focused on painting the little pumpkin they had picked for Norman. Peaceful, and, like the proper old men they were recently, actually went to bed before too late. 

Waking up, though, something just felt… different. Entirely. It was the same warmth, the same happiness he had always felt, waking up curled up beside his boy. Like always, good, but something was off. 

He couldn't see, his eyes struggling to focus on the other boy settled across from him. He could tell he was… up, which was what was so odd about the morning. Not that Dan didn't wake up early, no. But rather, he normally had enough time to get up and at least get coffee started before Dan even stirred. 

"Morning." It was like… honey to his ears, honestly. Dan was still sleepy, his voice thick with sleep, still a bit husky, but in the cute way. The sleepy, cute way, it was every single thing that he could ever dream of having. And it was his. All his. 

"Morning." Phil mumbled quietly to him, thinking it over, just, existing there with him. He was exhausted, entirely, and something in him just kept him from rolling over in bed just yet. 

"You know, this time 10 years ago, I was getting on the train?" 

"Regret it yet?" Phil whispered, rubbing at his eyes, which didn't give any help for it there, either. 

"Only every single day," Dan chuckled, leaning over to peck his cheek, and the gentle touch was… welcome. Entirely. "Every single moment, actually, I just can't get myself out of this situation, absolutely terrible for me, actually." 

"Yeah?" 

"Sadly." 

Phil chuckled, finally shifting to reach back and pick up his glasses, blinking again to try and put the world into focus. 

The sheets first, the walls around them, the warmth of Dan beside him, the box in his hand he was holding out. _ The box in his hand. The fucking box in his hand. _

"But it's complicated, you know? Don't think I ever want to find myself out of this situation," Dan spoke, fidgeting the box in his fingers, and for once, looking like he didn't completely have his cool for once. I've spent over a third of my life with you, and if the rest of our lives are anything like the last decade, I couldn't ask for anything better." 

Any words, any nerves, they just were panicked there in his mind. His gaze rushing from Dan's to his hand, to the little box that was still shut, and inside, he could only imagine what it was. Fuck. 

"You're my soulmate. As dumb and useless as the ideas of soulmates are. Somehow, we are the exception to it all. And I always want that. So, Phil," he mumbled, fidgeting to open the box, inside sitting the ring, and hell, he wanted to scream. 

"You're shitting me." 

He looked panicked, looking down to his hand before back up to Phil, trying to figure out what the problem entirely was there.

"You couldn't have waited one bloody minute," Phil spoke, reaching back to open the drawer, pulling out the box himself, holding it out to Dan. "I had this whole cheesy thing figured out to do, and I just got too nervous and that's why this has happened time and time again, I messed up, and just never could say it. I even had this great pun yesterday, and Martyn ruined it…" 

The rambling was expected, grumbling on, before Dan took the box from Phil, and passed over his own, looking it over with a little smile. "What was the pun? Wait, something about pumpkins?" 

"Mhm," Phil nodded, feeling the tears starting to grow, but… good tears. Good tears if that was entirely possible. "In a field full of pumpkins, I'd still pick you." 

The laugh that left Dan was loud, obnoxious, nearly, but in the way that he loved so much. It was his happy laugh. His darling, happy laugh, one he did everything he could to get that reaction, the crinkles showing widely, and his little dimple looking deeper than ever. 

"If we were that couple, that would be our caption," He giggled, shaking his head, just reaching across and bringing him in close, stealing a kiss from him. 

"It would," Phil laughed, shifting then to kiss him again, just holding the younger boy close, looking back to the rings, biting down on his lip. "So… is that a yes?" 

"Think I asked you first, old man," Dan smirked, pressing their lips together, just because he could. 

"Yes. A million times yes, a decade's worth of yes." 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I just needed some super soft fluff and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
